


In Your Arms

by kawaiisumi



Series: Matsuoka Gou Week 2018 [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Teen Angst, Teen Pregnancy, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2019-09-18 15:25:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16997574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kawaiisumi/pseuds/kawaiisumi
Summary: Things had been going just fine. Kou and Makoto had been happily dating for almost a year when Kou's 16th birthday rolled around. In a spur of the moment, Kou stole a bottle of champagne from her mother's liqueur cabinet to share with Makoto to celebrate. Needless to say, waking up next to each other naked was not part of the plan. With an unspoken agreement to not speak about it, it seems Kou will have to break that promise. When she misses her period, that is.Aka, the lives of Kou and Makoto change forever.





	1. When It All Boils Over

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Gou Matsuoka Week 2018! I had been planning this fic for a while, but it just so happened to fit the theme of "Family/Friends" for the first day theme. This first chapter is in recognition of that, and I hope you will enjoy it. Hopefully I'll be able to finish the whole thing in a timely manner while working on the other prompts for the rest of this week. Enjoy!

**In Your Arms**  
_Aka, the lives of Makoto and Kou change forever._

_Chapter 1: When it All Boils Over_

“A-ah… Kou don’t you think that’s enough?”

Kou could feel Makoto watching her, eyes trained on the champagne she continued pouring into her mug. Her hair was tossed behind her shoulders, loose to flow down her back, like waves of fire. Her eyes were glassy, as she took another sip, pouting her lips at him. “Mou, you’re no fun Makoto,” she said, passing the mug to him. “Just try a little bit.”

Makoto politely declined, pushing the mug back into her hands. “Don’t you think your mother will be mad if she finds out you stole champagne from the liquor cabinet at your house?”

Kou shrugged, taking another swig from the mug and setting it down on the floor. “She won’t even notice it’s gone. She’s never home anyway.” Kou grinned, looping her arms around Makoto’s neck, knocking her forehead against his. “Besides, it’s my 16th birthday, we should get to celebrate!”

Makoto smiled fondly at her, unable to help himself from landing a chaste kiss on her lips. She squeaked, holding his face in her hands as she went in for another, her mouth sloppy and tasting of alcohol. Makoto pulled away, watching in dismay as she refilled her mug with the now nearly empty bottle. “Mako-chan…” She cooed, fluttering her eyelashes sweetly at him. “Just a little bit? Please? For me?”

Makoto blushed, hesitantly taking the mug. “Well… I guess a little wouldn’t hurt. But no more for you, okay? You’re already drunk.” He took a sip, wincing at the bitterness that washed down his throat.

“I’m not drunk,” Kou insisted, though her flushed face and slurred tone gave her away. She fumbled for the bowl of popcorn beside them on the floor, sloppily tossing some back in her mouth. She chewed thoughtfully, watching Makoto finish off the drink, as she topped it up again. “Mako-chan has to learn to live~”

Makoto laughed, “How is it that you get sassier when you’re drunk?” He took another sip of the drink, becoming accustomed to its taste. Behind the bitter bite of alcohol, it was actually rather sweet.

Kou grinned, “What are you talking about? I’m never sassy.” She clambered onto his lap, where she settled perfectly on top of his crossed legs. “At least I’m not like onii-chan,” she whispered under soft giggles, pressing her cheek to his shoulder. “He just cries when he’s drunk.”

Makoto tilted the mug back, surprised to find the mug empty. He set it down on the floor by his feet, lifting Kou’s head so he could look at her properly. “Don’t you go crying on me now,” he said, rubbing his thumb against the apple of her cheek.

“I’m not!” Kou huffed, before her mouth opened up with a big smile. “Heh, your face is red.”

To that, Makoto flushed, “I am not!” He chastised, swatting her hand away as she tried to pinch his cheek.

“Makoto’s drunk just like me!” Kou cooed, nuzzling her nose against his. He fell backward, as she flopped on top of him, sweetly nibbling at the soft skin of his neck.

“So, you admit you’re drunk?” Makoto asked, he himself beginning to feel floaty and light headed.

Kou pressed her index finger to his lips, shaking her head. “I didn’t say anything like that!” She insisted, relaxing when Makoto sighed contently as she continued to kiss him, peppering his jaw in soft kisses, as his hands slipped under her shirt to feel the silky skin of her abdomen. He relished in the smooth, suppleness of her skin against the pads of his fingers, allowing her plant a kiss directly on his lips. He hummed in agreement, withdrawing from under her shirt to hold the hem of her shirt.

“Is this okay?” He asked her, staring into her ruby red eyes that twinkled with a foggy sense of mischief and pleasure.

She nodded, and soon her baby pink t-shirt was tossed onto the other side of the room. Makoto caressed her cheek, gently leaning in to kiss her small lips, his fingers sliding up her bare skin, bumping into the hard ridge of her bra wire. “Can I… Can I take this off too?” He slurred, moving his head to gently suck at Kou’s neck, licking a strip against her collarbone.

Kou gasped, guiding his hands behind her back toward her bra clasp, before fumbling for the drawstring of his joggers. “As long as I can take this off too.”

Makoto chuckled lowly, allowing the thin fabric of her bra to fall in between them, before joining her shirt somewhere in the room. When she loosened his pants, he wriggled out of them, kicking them off by his feet, as she made quick work of his shirt.

“Is this really okay?” Makoto asked. To Kou, his voice sounded sweet and far away, echoing in the confines of her mind as she looped her arms around his neck.

“I want you Makoto,” she whispered, groaning as his hands cupped her breasts, sending lightning through her nerves.

“You’ll always have me,” Makoto assured her, nibbling at the shell of her ear. “I love you.”

XxXxX

It had been hot lately. The sun beat down on the back of Kou’s neck mercilessly. She was sure that she was getting a sunburn. Putting that aside, when Haru’s hands touched the wall of the pool, she stopped the timer. Kou took a look at the time, jotting it down on her sheet of times.

Haru ripped off his swim cap and goggles, peering at her curiously. Usually, she was quick to tell him how he did, regardless of if he cared or not. Kou smiled at him, “Good job Haruka-senpai! Your time is slowly getting better!”

Haru shrugged, obviously not too concerned (despite being scouted by a multitude of universities after the preliminaries). “Kou, are you okay?” He asked rather bluntly, to which she was taken aback.

“Huh? What do you mean?” She asked, wiping the sweat from her brow. How lucky it was for the boys, to be swimming in the cool pool. Meanwhile, she’d been standing in the sun in her track pants and yellow t-shirt for an hour or so now.

“You’re really pale,” Haru said, always rather observant. “But your face is really red. Are you sick?”

Kou felt herself flush, covering her face with her clipboard. “N-no, I’m quite fine. I’m probably just sun burning. I’ll go sit in the shade for a little bit.” Haru cocked his head to one side but conceded. He lifted himself out of the pool, putting his swimming cap back on to dive back into the pool for another set of laps.

Kou excused herself to go sit under the locker room roof, a small sliver of the pool deck that was shaded from the sun. She sat on the ground, feeling her legs give way underneath her. Kou sighed. She’d been so tired lately. Perhaps it was because of the weather, which had recently become unbearably sticky and hot. Regardless, Kou closed her eyes, leaning her head against the wall. 

“Are you okay?”

She cracked one eye open, finding herself looking up at Makoto, who was looming over her. “… I’m fine,” she said finally, shifting awkwardly to allow him to sit beside her.

Things had been awkward between them for a while now. Ever since they woke up in Kou’s bedroom completely naked in her bed, things hadn’t been the same. They’d agreed when they first started dating that they were going to wait before sleeping with each other. Trust a finished bottle of champagne to totally mess with their plans. But that had been 3 weeks ago now, and they’d already been dating for almost a year.

That didn’t make things any less awkward though. Makoto ran a hand through his wet hair, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck. “You should drink something, it’s hot,” he said, putting a juice box in her hand.

Kou accepted the token, opening it quietly to drink the much-needed sugar. “I feel like I’m getting a headache,” she confessed. “Probably because I was standing in the sun for too long.”

Makoto nodded, trying uncomfortably to not make eye contact with her. But that was always more difficult as it seemed, as his emerald eyes locked with hers, full of concern and sincerity. Kou swallowed, feeling her face heat up. “You should go home,” Makoto told her, gently putting a hand on her knee.

Kou flinched, though allowed him to keep his hand there. It was the first gesture he’d made to touch her since that day. “I’ll wait until practice is over. It’s only a little while longer.”

Makoto pressed his lips in a fine line, peering at her with his lashes clinging to the pool water like dew. “I’ll walk you home. I want to make sure you get home okay.”

The awkwardness was palpable, but Kou nodded regardless. “I’d like that.”

To say the walk home was uncomfortable was an understatement. Kou remembered just a few weeks ago, things like this felt so mundane and simple. She looked at Makoto, who’s eyes were focused on the park across the street. The sun was beginning to set, so many of the kids and their parents were beginning to pack up and head home for the evening.

“It feels like just yesterday I was that small,” Kou said, in an attempt to make small talk with Makoto. He looked at her, almost startled, as though he’d forgotten she was there with him. He nodded, watching a particularly shy child clinging to his mother as they packed up their little picnic basket.

“Yeah. Ren and Ran are that age now… And it feels like just yesterday they were both babies,” Makoto mused. He chuckled, a sound Kou hadn’t heard in quite a long time. “It’s crazy how life goes by without us noticing.”

Kou found herself smiling, laughing softly along with him. He looked at her, and for a moment, it felt like everything was alright again. Kou would never tire of the way his eyes lit up when he looked at her. He stopped walking, and she turned to look at him confused. “Makoto?”

“I miss you,” He admitted finally.

Kou paused, taking the time to drink in their surroundings. A quiet street, with the sun painting everything in gold. Just the two of them, in a world all for themselves. She smiled sympathetically, finding herself gravitated toward him. When he took her into his arms, it felt like everything over the past few weeks finally clicked back in place. “I missed you too,” Kou agreed, burying her face in the cotton of his shirt. He smelled faintly of drug store deodorant and chlorine, and she clung to every bit of it.

“I’m sorry the past few weeks have been awkward,” Makoto said. “I… I just didn’t know what to do. I know we talked about waiting, and then we didn’t… And I was afraid you were upset, and I was scared to find out and-”

Kou shook her head, “Let’s not talk about this anymore.” She closed her eyes, “I know what we said and what we agreed on. But I don’t want that to get in the way of what we are now. Let’s just leave that in the past and move on.”

Makoto was quiet for a moment, but eventually agreed. “As long as you’re okay leaving it like that.”

“I just want things to go back to the way they were before,” Kou admitted.

Makoto tilted her head up, pressing a kiss on her nose. “If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do.” Kou smiled, feeling secure for the first time in weeks.

XxXxX

Upon returning home, Kou was finally aware of how exhausted she was. After seeing Makoto off, she kicked off her shoes, and headed up the stairs to her bedroom. As she went, she began peeling off her school uniform, starting with her neck bow and blazer. By the time she was in her room, she discarded the rest of her clothes on the floor. Rummaging through her dresser for one of Rin’s old t-shirts she had borrowed, she slipped one on, crawling into her bed.

She fell asleep almost the moment her head hit the pillow.

When she woke up, it was dark. The sun had set, with only the faint glow from the streetlight across the road illuminating her room. Kou sat up, rubbing her eyes. The clock on her night stand said it was already 8pm. Kou wasn’t one to take such long naps, but she brushed it off, turning on the lamp.

Kou got out of bed, somewhat disoriented and somewhat cold, picking up a sweater she had left on her desk chair the night before and wrapping it around herself. There were so many things she needed to do, she thought to herself. Her mother was on another business trip, so she would need to make dinner herself. Not to mention all the homework she needed to complete before the next day. She was looking around the room for her slippers when all of a sudden a wave of dizziness hit her.

Kou staggered back, clutching at her head. Fuzzy spots dotted her vision, as she tried to orient herself onto the floor. Her butt hit the floor, and she remembered feeling pain in her lower back as she fell to the ground.

Then she woke up staring at the ceiling. Slowly, Kou rose to a sitting position, bracing herself against the footboard of her bed. She rubbed her temples, feeling confused and fuzzy. 

_What was that?_ Kou wondered to herself, taking her time when getting up from the floor. She checked the clock again, only 2 or so minutes having gone by since she last looked. Had she fainted? She had definitely spent too long in the sun today… her eyes wandered to the calendar pinned to the corkboard above her desk.

Kou pondered it for a second, before the realization hit her deep in the pit of her stomach.

_Is it really the 23rd already?_ Kou asked herself, trying to comb through her memories. How had so much time passed without her knowing? Wasn’t she supposed to have…?

Without much thought, feeling though her brain was running on autopilot, Kou darted from her room into her mother’s. Her ultimate goal was to get into the en-suite bathroom, flinging open the cupboard under the sink. They had to be there somewhere.

When she found what she was looking for, Kou grabbed it, before collapsing onto the toilet, staring at the item in her hand. This was so silly… What was she thinking?

She broke open the packaging, letting the slim stick fall into the palm of her hand. This was only for peace of mind. The likelihood of getting any result other than negative was next to impossible. Kou pursed her lips, running the numbers through her head over and over again. It was already the 23rd of the month. She should have gotten her period 5 days ago.

Her mind wandered back to the pregnancy test she held in her hand. She knew her mother still had some, having found them in the cupboard a long time ago when she was a little girl. But she never thought she’d be sitting in the very same bathroom with the intent of using it for its purpose.

This was insane. She was probably just late because she was stressed. She had been feeling sick lately, so maybe that had delayed her period.

That had to be it.

She would take the test, read the negative result, and throw the test away, laughing at how the thought ever crossed her mind.

Kou took a deep breath, taking the test and laying it on the counter while she set a timer on her phone. Just a couple minutes, and that negative result would be waiting for her. The silence was deafening, as she watched the clock tick down slowly until flatlining at 0. Kou’s hands reached for the test, her fingers shaking. She squeezed her eyes shut, before prying them open and begging herself to look.

Two lines.

Small, faded and pink, but _definitely_ 2 of them.

Suddenly it felt like the whole world had stopped.

That couldn’t be right. Two lines meant a positive result. If that’s what the test said…

The test fell to the floor, Kou not even realizing she had let it go. That just couldn’t be right. She stood, desperately ripping another package open and repeating the test over again.

The minutes passed by painfully slow as a rock began to settle in the pit of Kou’s stomach. She looked again.

Two lines.

Shakily, Kou picked up the first test that had been discarded onto the linoleum floor. She looked at them side by side. 4 pink lines staring her right in the face. Her mouth felt dry, and for a moment she thought she might faint again.

2 tests. 4 pink lines.

According to the tests, she was pregnant.

It felt like ages, as Kou stared numbly at the two tests in her hands. How could this happen? She set the tests on the counter, pinching her arm and hissing quietly at the sting. She wished she was dreaming. She wished she would wake up in her bed and this would all be a big nightmare.

The sound of her phone ringing brought her back to the present, and upon reading the name flashing on the screen, Kou felt her heart sink.

“H-Hello?” She stammered, clutching the phone to her ear with shaky fingers. 

“Hey! I just finished my homework, how are you doing?” Makoto’s voice was so innocent. He was so blissfully ignorant to all the inner turmoil that was beginning to eat her soul alive.

“I’m… I’m okay.”

“You don’t sound very okay,” She could feel Makoto frowning over the line. “Are you sure? I know we kind of talked today, but maybe it would be better to really talk about what happened.”

“No,” Kou replied almost immediately. She backpedalled for a moment, trying to get a hold of herself. “I just… I don’t want to talk about that right now. Please.”

“Okay, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry, you’re only trying to help.”

Just like that, things were beginning to feel tense again. Kou glanced at the pregnancy tests on the counter. Things had been so much simpler before they had gotten themselves tangled in their own mess. The situations that were spinning out of their control were all things they meant to prevent by not sleeping together.

“Okay… Well, I’ll let you go now. You must be tired,” Makoto said, his voice softening to a hush. “Kou, can I ask you something?”

Kou gulped, “Y-yes?”

“You’ll tell me if something is wrong, right?”

The words hung in the air, sinking into the muggy summer weather life a promise Kou didn’t know if she’d be able to keep. The tears welled in her eyes before she could stop them, hastily brushing them away with the back of her hand. There were so many things she wanted to tell him. So many things that she wanted to talk about. But how she wished everything could have just rewound back to that day in her bedroom.

It wasn’t that she regretted sleeping with him at all. She just wished it hadn’t happened this way.

“I will,” she said meekly.

There was a moment of silence, followed by a soft “okay”, from Makoto. When he hung up, Kou quickly stared at her phone, opening the browser and typing in “false positive pregnancy test” into the search bar.

From reading people’s comments online, she had one hope. Her mom’s pregnancy tests were old. They had to be from when she was just a small kid. They could potentially not work as well as a new one. Kou stood, sweeping the two tests from the counter and shoving them in her sweater pocket. She had to go buy a new test and try again.

There was no way she could be pregnant.

Especially with Makoto’s child.

XxXxX

By the time Kou left the house, it was dark. The sky was an inky black, the hazy lights of the upcoming city blurring out the stars. The train was cold. Kou zipped up her sweater, tucking her chin beneath the soft fabric.

She could have gone to the drug store down the street from her house, but she really didn’t want anyone she knew catching her buying a pregnancy test. She didn’t need Makoto finding out about the whole situation from speculation and rumours.

The automated voice announced the next stop, the slightly bigger, more densely populated city to the East of Iwatobi. Kou stood up, grabbing her bag, and exiting the train. She glanced behind her, making sure that nobody was following her.

When she walked into the drug store, she was greeted by the cashier at the register, making her jump. She wandered around for a bit, pretending to look at bags of chips and chocolate before finding herself in the “family planning” aisle. How ironic, she thought to herself, considering she and Makoto had done the exact opposite of planning when it came to these things.

Kou stole a glance at the cashier, who wasn’t paying attention to her at all. Regardless, Kou took extra care putting the new pregnancy test in her basket, covering it with a couple of random magazines from the rack nearby. She glanced at the feminine hygiene products, opting to toss a box of tampons in there as well. It was doubtful the cashier really cared, but Kou at least wanted to validate buying a pregnancy test with the possibility that she could be getting her period any day now.

She went up to the counter, the cashier scanning all her items and putting them into a plastic bag. Once Kou had paid the bill, she grabbed the bag and scurried out of the store. By now, it was deep into the evening, and she knew she had to catch the train before they stopped running for the night.

But before that, she had to know. Kou went into the train station bathroom, closing herself into a stall as she ripped open the packaging to the new pregnancy test. She turned it over in her hand for a moment, trying to tell herself everything would be okay. The new pregnancy test would confirm her beliefs that the old pregnancy tests are her house were faulty and had given her a false positive.

The time she spent waiting was agonizing. Kou wished she had someone there to support her. She ran her mind through different people she could call, but came up empty. Most of all, she wanted Makoto to be there with her. But she had no idea what to say. How did she tell him she thought she might be pregnant with his baby?

Kou closed her eyes, counting to ten in her head. The result now would change her life. She pried open her eyes, reading the digital screen as the result came up.

Pregnant.

If it hadn’t been clear to her before, it was definitely clear now. The words were spelled right there in front of her.

There was a moment of stillness before Kou felt hot tears running down her face. She wasn’t even sure when she started crying. Rising from the toilet seat with wobbly knees, she burst out of the stall. She tossed the pregnancy test in the garbage, unwilling to believe what it said. Kou looked at herself in the mirror, splashing water in her face to hopefully hide her puffy, bleary eyes.

After wiping her face down with a piece of scratchy paper towel, she exited the bathroom and boarded the train. Maybe if she went to bed tonight, she would wake up and everything would be normal again.

She prayed to God when she woke up things would be different.

XxXxX

A typical morning for Kou included waking up an hour before school started, taking a quick shower, getting dressed, and eating her typical breakfast of a muffin and yogurt before going to school.

Yet, her life had become anything but typical when she found herself bent over the toilet at 7 o’clock in the morning, her head reeling as she finished throwing up whatever was left of what little she ate the night before. Kou gasped, collapsing to the floor, propping her head against the wall. The disgusting taste of bile lingered in her mouth, as her stomach continued to toss and turn like the rinse cycle of a laundry machine.

The bathroom door creaked open, and Kou was surprised to see Rin standing at the door. “Onii-chan what are you doing here?” Kou asked weakly, attempting to pull her hair back into a bun. Her arms felt like lead, and she gave up, trying to push her hair away from her face, lest she be sick again.

Rin bent down so he was eye level with her on the floor. “I came to grab a couple things because our morning swim practice was cancelled. Are you okay?”

Kou shook her head, bringing her knees to her chest. Rin gave her a sympathetic look, taking it upon himself to tie her hair back for her. “You don’t have a fever,” he said, laying a hand on her forehead, “But if you’re throwing up you should stay home from school.”

“But-”

“No buts,” Rin chastised, helping her onto her feet. “I’ll text Makoto to tell him you’re not going to school today.”

At the mention of Makoto, Kou felt like she was going to be sick again. Now that the initial drowsiness and nausea wore off, she was left with an undeniable fact. It was a new day, and she was still pregnant. Hell, it was probably why she felt like crap. Rin helped her back into bed, handing her the glass of water on her bedside table. As Kou took small sips, Rin was busy tapping away on his phone. “I have to go back to school, but text me if you need anything, okay?” Rin gave her a questioning look.

Kou nodded, putting the empty glass on her nightstand and sinking back into her bed. She heard Rin leave, gently closing her bedroom door behind him. She closed her eyes, trying to wrestle with the nausea that continued to stir in the pit of her stomach.

When she woke up next, the afternoon sun was disappearing. The spreading light pooled around the floorboards, sinking into the evening twilight. Kou rubbed her eyes, trying to orient herself. She had actually spent the whole day sleeping. Before drifting back to sleep, Kou heard a knock at the front door.

Mustering all the strength she had, she got out of bed, padding softly toward the front door. “Makoto?”

Makoto smiled at her, his doe like eyes spreading warmth through her chest. He extended a convenience store bag to her. “Rin told me you had an upset stomach, so I brought stomach medicine and soda crackers.”

Kou couldn’t help but giggle softly, inviting him inside. He sat on the couch in the living room, as was normal every time he came over. Kou joined him, feeling comforted when he wrapped his arms around her, fondly stroking her tummy. “Are you feeling better?” He asked her.

“Um… I’m fine,” Kou said, though her tone sounded anything but sure.

Makoto hesitated for a moment. “Are you sure?”

There was a tense moment of silence. Kou wanted to tell him. She wanted to tell him everything that was going through her mind. She wanted to tell him how terrified she was feeling, how lost and confused she felt. But none of the words were coming out. “I’m fine,” she said again, pulling away from him. They sat apart, staring at each other face to face.

Makoto’s eyebrows furrowed, Kou watching his mental processes working behind his twinkling green eyes. “Kou… Maybe we… Maybe we _should_ talk about the night of your birthday. Is that what’s bothering you?”

Kou swallowed, her mind reeling. The memories were barely there. She was drunk, and so was he. She remembered that it was fun and good while it lasted, but what really hit her was the morning after when she woke up. She was naked. So was he. And he had left, both of them feeling embarrassed and a silent agreement coming upon them that they wouldn’t talk about it.

She couldn’t even fathom trying to talk about that with Makoto knowing that she was pregnant because of that moment. “I really don’t want to talk about it,” Kou insisted, looking away. She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing she could just disappear.

“Why not?” Makoto asked. His tone was steady, but she could feel the rising impatience blooming in his chest.

This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t supposed to happen. They had been happy. They were supposed to be happy. They were two people who were in love and expressed it by sleeping together.

All of this wasn’t supposed to happen.

“I just… I don’t want to think about it,” Kou said, unable to meet Makoto’s eye. She stared at her lap, feeling the familiar burning of tears in her eyes.

“Was it really that bad?”

His words pierced the air like a knife. Kou looked up to see the hurt in his eyes, the shameful blush that adorned his innocent face. Kou opened her mouth, but no words were coming out. Makoto laughed, the sound resonating hollowly in the room. “It’s okay. You don’t have to answer that.” He forced a smile, getting up from the couch.

“Makoto… Wait…”

He shook his head, “You’re probably tired. And I really should get going. I hope you feel better soon Kou. I hope I see you tomorrow.”

And then he was gone just as quickly as he had come. Kou ran her fingers through her hair, pulling out the hair elastic her brother had put in earlier that morning. She sat back, thinking about how it felt to have Makoto stroke her stomach, and how comforting that had been. She wanted to tell him, but she couldn’t bear having to tell him that his whole life was about to change.

She would just wait a few more days.

Maybe in a few days she would get her period, and everything would finally go back to normal.


	2. You Are Never Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever since that day, it felt like Kou was avoiding him. It wasn’t as though they’d spend every moment together. After all, Makoto and Kou were in two different school years. They only saw each other during lunch and after school at swim club.
> 
> Yet, Makoto had begun to notice he was seeing Kou less and less...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't forgotten about this story!
> 
> (Yes, it's been months since the first chapter came out - about 5, if we're counting).
> 
> I got really stuck writing this chapter, but it's finally here! Thank you to everyone who left comments. I really appreciate your support and hope you enjoy! The angst turns up from here on out, so buckle up!

**In Your Arms**

_Chapter 2: You Are Never Alone_

Ever since that day, it felt like Kou was avoiding him. It wasn’t as though they’d spend every moment together. After all, Makoto and Kou were in two different school years. They only saw each other during lunch and after school at swim club.

Yet, Makoto had begun to notice he was seeing Kou less and less. She used to meet him outside the school gate to walk inside together every morning. Even Haru had asked him why she had stopped greeting them every morning.

“I don’t know,” Makoto replied. His voice seemed to be floating far, far away.

Haru raised an eyebrow at him, “Things have been weird between the two of you for a while now. Did something happen?”

Trust Haru to be ever observant. He meant well. After all, once he had heard that Makoto and Kou were dating, he’d sought to protect Makoto from getting hurt. Initially against it, it had taken Haru a while longer than the rest of their friends to accept them as a couple. The words fell dead on Makoto’s tongue. How did he tell Haru with a straight face that Kou was avoiding him probably because they slept together before they were ready because they were both intoxicated? It definitely was out of character for him, which made him embarrassed. But above all, he didn’t think Kou would want that kind of information being shared without her knowledge. “Nothing happened Haru,” Makoto assured him, drawing on himself to share a tender smile with his friend. “I guess this is just a normal relationship rough patch right now.”

Haru narrowed his eyes, the shadow of a scowl tingling on his face. “You’re lying.”

Makoto sighed deeply, “Haru… You’ve gotta stop reading too much into the things I say.”

“I’m not, you’re just bad at lying,” Haru replied back bluntly. There was a pause, as the two changed their shoes at their respective lockers once inside the school building. “You’re allowed to tell me about your relationship problems.” Haru said finally.

Between the lines was the implication that despite being initially unhappy with the relationship, Makoto was still his friend, and he wanted to support his best friend in any way he could. Makoto smiled, understanding that fact, wordlessly communicated through the both of them, with a simple lock of their eyes. “If there are any, I will,” Makoto said sincerely. “But really Haru, please don’t worry.”

“I only worry because you say things like that,” Haru said, shifting somewhat irritably.

“Ah, Haruka-senpai, Makoto, good morning,” Kou walked past them toward her own locker, seemingly in a rush to change her shoes and head off to class, despite arriving her usual 10 minutes early.

“Good morning Kou,” Haru said with a nonchalant wave. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”  
She smiled warmly, “Thank you Haruka-senpai.” Haru was a very observant person, but if there was anyone that knew Kou better than anyone else it was Makoto.

Following the incident at her house, Kou stayed home from school for a week. When she returned, she said nothing about the nature of her illness. She continued to plaster a smile on her face and move forward as though nothing had changed.

But Makoto could tell. Not all things were well. She was always tired, always pale. There was something about her that he couldn’t quite place his finger on. She just wasn’t herself. The Kou he loved was rambunctious and glowing, like a flickering flame that danced in the firepit. But the light in her eyes had begun to waver, and Makoto wondered in fear if reaching out to her would douse the flame completely.

“Hey,” Kou said softly, pulling her bag in front of her, as though putting up a physical barrier between the two of them. Every time Makoto saw her, he recounted their night together; the softness of her skin, the warmth of her breath, and the sound of her voice. Yet, the thoughts were always preceded by the uncomfortable sinking feeling in his stomach. It was wrong, almost dirty, to think of her like that. She refused to talk about that night, and his biggest fear sat like a rock in the core of his body. That she hated it, or worse yet, hadn’t wanted it at all. Taking advantage of her was the thing Makoto had never wanted to do.

Makoto cleared his throat. “Hey,” he replied, reaching out a hand to touch her. She jerked, side stepping away from the touch. Makoto noticed Haru slip away down the hall to give them some privacy.

Kou’s face bloomed pink, the heat in her cheeks emphasizing just how pale she’d become. For a moment, it felt like Makoto had none of the right words to say. He embarrassedly withdrew his hand, rubbing the back of his neck. “H-how are you?” He asked.

“I’m fine,” Kou replied quickly. She looked down at the ground, her feet fidgeting. “H-how are you?”

“I’m fine,” Makoto said. There was a pause. “Kou listen-”

She lifted her head, ruby eyes matte and mute. “I have to go to class. I’ll see you during lunch period.” She turned on her heel, disappearing down the hall and leaving Makoto feeling like a hole had opened in the center of his chest. “See you…” He called after her, watching her turn the corner and vanish.

XxXxX

By the time lunch rolled around, Makoto had had the chance to clear his head. He and Haru sat on the rooftop, waiting for Nagisa and Rei to come back from buying their lunches. It was a rare moment of quiet contemplation. Haru had already begun to eat his lunch (his typical grilled mackerel and white rice), while Makoto slowly unwrapped the milk bread his mother had made the other night.

Lately, Kou hadn’t been eating lunch with them. Whenever he asked, she said she was doing homework or doing something with Chigusa. That was fine, at first. Makoto had begun worrying she was purposely avoiding eating, especially in front of him. He’d noticed it a while ago now, but even more so that morning, but Kou was becoming thinner and frailer every day he saw her.

He wanted to tell her how beautiful he thought she was. He wanted to tell her that seeing her body hadn’t made him love her any less. There were so many things that he wanted to tell her but felt that he never had the chance to.

The roof door opened, and Makoto looked up expecting to see either Nagisa or Rei, but was surprised when Kou breezed through the door and plopped down beside him. Haru offered a brief wave, and Makoto tried to swallow, his mouth exceedingly dry. “Hey,” he offered uncomfortably.

“Hi,” she said, taking a sharp breath before laying a hand on his thigh. Makoto was surprised to say the least, but willingly accepted the olive branch she had extended to him. An unspoken truce allowed him to extend the bread to her.

“Do you want some?”

Kou shook her head, pressing her forehead against his shoulder. Out of habit, Makoto wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her in closer. For a moment, it felt like things had gone back to normal. “Hey Kou…”

“Don’t say anything,” she replied, her eyes shut, breathing in the scent of his clothing, of the drug store detergent his mother bought from the corner store. “I’m tired,” she admitted finally, allowing her body to relax in his presence, as he continued to support the weight of her body. 

“Okay,” Makoto replied, letting her nuzzle her face into his neck.

No one said anything after that. Haru cleared his throat, excusing himself. When the roof door shut, Makoto took a deep breath and finally spoke. “Kou?” He asked, his voice timid, a softness that threatened to shatter the silenced truth that had fallen on them.

She didn’t move. “Yes?” she said, matching the volume of his voice.

“Can… Can I walk you home today?” Makoto asked, looking up to the sky. He wished an answer would fall from heaven, telling him what he should do, how he should fix everything that had befallen them lately. But no answer came. Maybe God was punishing them for premarital sex.

Kou hesitated, but eventually conceded. “Okay. After swim practice.”

Makoto nodded, smoothing her hair down and placing a soft kiss atop her head. “Okay. After swim practice,” he repeated.

Maybe by then, God would have an answer for him.

XxXxX

The walk home was equally as painful as all their other interactions had been lately. Makoto watched her, feeling as though she was very far away, yet she was standing right next to him. Kou’s eyes were glazed over, like she was moving on auto pilot. No information was coming in, she was simply going through the motions.

Makoto wondered when it had come to this, and despite being a rather non-confrontational person, he took a breath and stopped.

“Kou, we need to talk.”

His heart jumped, hammering inside his throat. The last time they’d spoken like this, she insisted that everything was fine. She didn’t want to talk about what happened. She just wanted things to go back to the way they were before.

But things _weren’t_ like before. Gone was the girl he remembered falling in love with, and in her place, a stranger. Someone that couldn’t look him in the eye when she spoke. Someone that had the universe hiding in her eyes, with no sign of sharing it.

She stopped, turning on her heel to stare at his shoes. How he wished she would just look at him. He wanted her to look at him and see that everything was going to be okay. He wanted to look in her eyes and see relief and comfort and that he would love her no matter what.

“I know you said you didn’t want to talk about what happened, but I think we should.”

The words hung heavily in the air, the elephant in the room finally pointed out.

Kou’s face flushed, her gaze moving from his shoes to her own. “Are we really still on this? I told you, leave that in the past and let’s move on.”

“But we’re not moving on,” Makoto said, desperation beginning to seep into his voice. “Do you think I haven’t noticed that you’re avoiding me? You don’t meet me before school, you don’t eat lunch with me, you leave swim practice before I’ve even come out of the locker room. You don’t want to see me.” There were so many things he needed to say, so many feelings he had, and it felt like Kou didn’t understand any of them. “I’m sorry we didn’t wait to have sex. I’m sorry that I slept with you. I’m sorry I took advantage of you. I’m sorry you hated it. But please… Please don’t do this. If you don’t want to be with me anymore, that’s fine. But please just tell me. Don’t leave me, don’t leave _us_ , like this.”

By now the sun had sunk deep into the skyline, drowning everything in a haze of orange and red. Those were the colours Kou had always looked best in. But right now, her face was so white, she looked like a ghost. She looked up, a flare in her eyes. But not the one Makoto wanted to see. One of frustration, bitterness… fear. “Can we please not talk about this right here?” Kou asked, beginning to raise her voice. She turned, starting to walk away, toward her house. “I told you, I can’t talk about this. Not right now. Please just leave me alone.”

Makoto sucked in a breath, following her as she continued to speed away from him. “Kou I’m not going to leave you like this! If you don’t want to talk, that’s fine. But please tell me what’s going on. I can’t bear this anymore. If you’re going to leave me, please do it already.”

Kou finally halted on her front porch, and Makoto was stunned to see her turn around with tears in her eyes. “I’m not leaving you!” She snapped, dropping her bag to the ground and furiously wiping the tears away. “I’m not pushing you away because I want to. I’m doing it because I don’t know what else to do!” Her frustrations vibrated through his chest, leaving Makoto feeling scared and empty.

“What are you talking about?” He threw back at her. “I don’t understand what’s happening. Kou, I can’t read your mind. Please tell me what’s wrong.” He reached out for her and she pulled inward, wrapping her arms around herself.

“I can’t… I can’t tell you!” Kou finally blurted out, causing Makoto to flinch backward. “Don’t you get it? I can’t tell you and it’s killing me inside. I can’t look at you without seeing all the pain I’ll cause you. I can’t… I can’t do this to us!”

Makoto felt like his head was reeling, “Kou I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

Her eyes were glassy, “I can’t do this…” she murmured, and Makoto realized she was falling. Without a second thought he reached out his arms to catch her, as Kou fell limp in his arms. So many emotions were going through him right now, but first he had to make sure she was okay.

“Kou? Kou what’s wrong?” Makoto asked, kneeling down to the floor with her to grab her bag. Her keys… he needed to get her inside. He needed to lay her down… He needed to… He needed to… His body was moving faster than his head, and things were becoming so frantic, he feared he’d pass out too.

But just as quickly as she had fainted, Kou came to. Makoto felt relief wash through his lungs, as he exhaled his fears. “Kou let’s get you inside…”

She weakly lifted a hand, “It’s fine…” Kou mumbled, trying to run her hand through her hair. “This happens, it’s fine… Just… go home.”

Makoto bit down on his lip, finally fishing out her keys from her bag. He tossed her bag to the side, making a mental note to grab it later. “Kou, I’m not leaving you. Not when you’re like this. I’m still your boyfriend. I still care about you.” He stood, carrying her in his arms. It alarmed him how light she had become, how easily it was to shift her weight to one side while he fumbled to unlock the door.

Kou had always been a petite person, but she’d never been this light before. Now that he could get a good look at her, he noticed how frail she had gotten. Her skin was ashy, almost translucent, with a film of sweat covering her face.

How had they gotten to this point? Makoto couldn’t wrap his head around it.

The adrenaline was messing with his head. He thought Kou was shivering, but that was him shaking. He pried open the door, not even bothering to take off his shoes. “Bed… We’ll get you to bed… So you can… So you can lie down,” He said, practically running her up the stairs.

Kou had gone awfully quiet, clutching onto his shirt with a shaky hand. When he laid her down on her bed, she begged him to stop. “Makoto… I’m fine… Please stop worrying…”

“Kou, I’m always worried about you,” He replied. Makoto went through her closet, wondering why he had never bothered to learn how she sorted her clothes. Pajamas… T-shirts… Anything she could wear that wasn’t her school uniform. “Where do you keep your pajamas?” He rummaged through her closet, knocking over a pink box and scattering hair accessories on the floor. 

“Makoto, stop,” Kou said. She always had that ability to say things just assertively enough to keep him from spinning out. Kou had propped herself up against the headboard of her bed, tapping the spot next to her. “Please calm down.”

He sat awkwardly at the side of her bed. “I’m… I’m sorry I stressed you out. I didn’t mean to make you sick.”

She laughed at that, and he looked on in amazement. A slow twinkle had appeared in her eyes, tiny but palpable. “It’s not your fault,” Kou said, “not really.” She scooted over on her bed, and he took that as an invitation to sit closer to her.

It had been a while since they’d spent time like this – alone in her room, sitting side by side until their arms were touching. If it were any other situation, they’d be kissing by now. But Makoto feared any touch would make her jump. But Kou leaned her head against his shoulder, and he felt his muscles finally begin to relax.

It felt like time stopped. For a moment, it was just him and Kou, just as they had always been. Everything was at peace despite the constantly flurrying changes in their lives. Kou ran her hand gently against his thigh.

If only things could stay that way forever. In this peaceful, blissful moment of happiness…

“Makoto, I need to tell you something.”

The graveness in her voice was palpable. She wouldn’t look at him; chin tilted toward her lap as she stared at her hands. She wrung them over and over again, lost in thought.

“My… My period is late.” The words fell heavy into the room. “Weeks late.”

Makoto swallowed hard. Just as quickly as his mind had started it up, it slowed to an agonizing stop. “W-what…” He almost laughed, despite himself. He’d heard what she said, but he wasn’t quite sure if he was hearing her right. “What do you mean?”

Kou took a deep breath and rose her head. Her eyes were wet with tears, and though her hands shook, she laid them upon his face. Her hands were so soft, caressing his cheeks and it felt like she was finally coming home to him. But he hated to see her cry. “A few weeks ago… I fainted in my bedroom.” His body reacted to protect her, even if there was nothing to protect her from. The panic must have swept through his eyes because she quickly shushed him, the softness of her voice soothing his thundering heartbeat. “When I came to… I was on the floor staring at my calendar.” She laughed, and that’s when the tears began to fall from her eyes. “I realized what day it was,” she swallowed, blinking once, twice… “And I realized how late my period was.”

The words kept echoing in Makoto’s brain, fighting to get his attention. Period… Late… Sex… Drinking… It felt like everything was coming to a climax he wasn’t ready for. He held his breath, as though that would make time stop, and she wouldn’t say it.

If she didn’t say it, nothing had to change.

If she didn’t say it, they could pretend like everything was normal.

Everything was normal.

Right?

“Makoto, I’m pregnant.”

It felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs. Was he breathing? Did he remember how to breathe? Kou squeezed tightly, the pressure around his head bringing him back to the present. She was sobbing now, rolls and rolls of tears falling down her beautiful face. “I’m sorry,” she gasped through her cries. “I’m so so sorry…”

Everything felt numb. Makoto touched his own face and realized he was crying too. “Stop… stop crying,” he said numbly, brushing away her tears. They were warm and wet against his fingertips, and it struck him finally.

The weeks of avoiding him. The not eating. The weight loss. The tiredness.

Weeks, and weeks, and weeks, and weeks… Kou had been keeping it all to herself. She’d burdened herself with a secret that was tearing her up inside. She’d hidden it so he wouldn’t have to share it with her; until she just couldn’t anymore.  
“It’s okay… It’s okay…” Makoto soothed, pulling her into his arms. She was wearing mascara, and he was sure it was staining his school shirt, but he didn’t care. He let her cry until the tears had stopped but the wailing continued.

He never wanted her to have to feel like this. Not alone.

“It’s not okay!” Kou exclaimed finally. Her voice was hoarse, and she tried to swallow but spluttered and coughed instead. “I’m _sixteen_. You’re graduating! We can’t…” Her hands found her stomach, which was still slim and flat. “We can’t have a baby.”

“W-we can figure it out. We’ll find a way,” words were just pouring out of Makoto’s mouth. He wasn’t sure what to say. “Did you… Did you take a test?” How did these things even work? Did she take one of the stick tests he saw on TV? Did she go to the doctor? Makoto realized how naïve he was about everything; how little he knew.

Kou reached for the other side of her bed, opening the dresser drawer. From it, she pulled two little white sticks, placing them in the palm of his hand. Makoto looked.

Each stick had two little pink lines.

Pregnant.

“What… what do you want to do?” Makoto asked finally.

Kou had gathered up the blankets, clutching them to her like she was trying to build a fortress. A fortress that barricaded her from the whole mess they had made. “I don’t know,” she replied.

XxXxX

They had sat there for a long time without saying a word. The sky turned black, and the stars came out. Makoto’s cell rang, and he realized it was dinner time and his mother was calling, asking where he was.

“Are you okay?” She had asked on the phone.

“Everything’s fine,” He’d replied, feeling plastic and fake. “I’m… I’m at Haru-chan’s. You don’t need to wait up for me.”

When he hung up, they finally talked. It was hard and it was messy, but one thing was for certain: they had to go to a doctor.

So, Makoto found himself sitting in a waiting room painted with pastel pink walls. There were children’s toys scattered across the floor; magazines with smiling, glowing pregnant women with bursting bellies. He felt like he didn’t belong there. He stole a glance at Kou. She was so small, a butterfly clip pinning her bangs away from her face. She was too young for all this. _He_ was too young for this.

They’d taken a half hour train to get there, not wanting anyone to recognize them. Kou sat in her seat rigidly. Makoto had to check on her periodically to make sure she was still breathing.

They were called by a nurse, who ogled at them. Makoto wondered if he should get used to people staring at them. Their doctor was a woman Makoto had looked up on the internet. She came into the room wearing a lab coat and a pink stethoscope around her neck. “Matsuoka-san?” She asked, knocking on the door as she came in.

Kou blushed, “Y-yeah, that’s me.”

The doctor turned to Makoto, who was sitting in the chair adjacent to the patient bed. “And you’re…”

“Um… Tachibana,” Makoto fumbled, “Tachibana Makoto.”

The doctor smiled, seating herself on the wheeled stool beside the computer. “I’m Dr. Fujikawa,” she said, as she logged herself into the computer. “So, you submitted a blood sample last week, yes Matsuoka-san?”

“Y-yes,” Kou said. Makoto had wanted to go with her to that too. But she insisted that he go to swim practice. Their relay training had really kicked off after regionals. Kou didn’t want him to miss anything.

“Ah yes, here it is,” Dr. Fujikawa opened the file, perching her glasses on the tip of her nose to read. She closed the tab, swivelling around to look at Kou directly. “Well, it’s official. You’re pregnant.”

Hearing the words from someone else, a doctor no less, suddenly made everything feel so real. Makoto thought he swallowed a rock.

“I’m guessing… That’s not what we were hoping to hear?” Dr. Fujikawa said, reading the room’s tense atmosphere. She sighed, placing her hands in her lap. Her eyebrows had creased, yet she didn’t seem to be judging, just pondering. “There are lots of options to consider,” she said, “going through with it, of course… We can set you up with an adoption agency… Termination is also an option.”

“T-termination?” Kou breathed. Her hands had started trembling, and Makoto wanted to reach out and hold her, but he was frozen.

“Yes, termination,” Dr. Fujikawa replied. “It’s still quite early in the pregnancy. We don’t do abortions in this clinic, but I can refer you to one that-”

“A-abortion?” Kou’s eyes widened, like large red saucers. “Wait… I don’t…”

“Of course, it is up to you to decide,” Dr. Fujikawa clarified. There was a pause. “Matsuoka-san… You are sixteen years old. From what I can calculate, you are roughly 7 weeks pregnant. There are still options for you, whatever you may choose.”

She glanced from Kou to Makoto, both of whom looked as though they had just seen ghosts. “Shall I give you a moment?”

Dr. Fujikawa excused herself, and when the door shut, Kou crumpled. “Kou…”

Her face was utterly despaired. She looked so lost and confused, Makoto had no idea what to say to her that could possibly make her feel better. He squeezed his hands together tightly, so hard he could feel his nails dig crescent moons into his palms. “Kou… Whatever you… Whatever you decide to do, I want you to know I support you.”

She didn’t say anything, so he continued.

“If you want to terminate… _it_ , and forget it ever happened, we can do that. If you want to keep it… I’ll do everything I can. I’ll… I’ll get a job or something. I’ll quit the swim team. I’ll… I’ll…”

“I can’t make you do that,” Kou said finally, smiling at him. Her face is melancholy and sunken. “This… This is my problem. You don’t need to be any part of it.” She sucked in a thin breath. “I… I don’t want to terminate this baby. But I don’t want to make you do something you don’t want to do.”

Kou was giving him an out, and he knew it. He could get up and leave right now. He could walk away and pretend like none of this ever happened.

But he loved her; loved her way too much to even think about doing that.

“Kou… I’m not going to leave you. Not because of this. Not because of anything,” Makoto insisted. He finally takes her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m in this, 100%. For you.”

She squeezed back weakly. “Y-you mean it?”

Makoto took a deep breath, gathering all the courage inside his soul. Every single ounce he could possibly find.

“I mean it.”


End file.
